Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
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She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
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sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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