She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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