I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize