Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
