Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
