He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
