it's like her boobs came off with her bra
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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