he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
