these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
