i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
