Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
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After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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