I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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