Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize