I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
