I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
