he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
