taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
