You can't special order awesome
sarcasm needs its own font
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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