You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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