I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize