just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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