U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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