Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
