i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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