Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
True strength comes from lack of pants
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