I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
