Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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