you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
