used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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