Plan B is the new Plan A
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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