I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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