so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
