I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
