C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
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high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
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Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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