I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
