yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
