Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
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Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
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She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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