I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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