1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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