im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
