I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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