Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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