You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
