I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
