i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
