I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
