Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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