I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
