Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
a search helicopter?!
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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