I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
