i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
And then my night got REAL pukey
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
