dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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