this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I feel like a drive thru vagina
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
