thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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