All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
