Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
