If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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