I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
