smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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