Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
