we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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