found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
