Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
