He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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