Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
