His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
