I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
