Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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