I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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