Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
