are you still at the devil's house?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
