I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
