Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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