why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
