I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
