i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
