margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
