my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
