I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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