i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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