My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just cut my nipple shaving
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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