Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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