1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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